


Let me just let go

by princessironspider



Series: When Words Fail, Music Speaks [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety, F/M, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Tony Stark is Good With Kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 11:23:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20777762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessironspider/pseuds/princessironspider
Summary: Three times someone misunderstood Peter, and the one time Tony didn't.





	Let me just let go

**Author's Note:**

> Song: You don't know by Katelyn Tarver  
TW: Anxiety, self deprecating thoughts etc.
> 
> Also I wrote this super fast because inspiration hit, so sorry if there’s any errors or anything!

\---

_"I know you've got the best intentions_  
_Just trying to find the right words to say_  
_I promise, I've already learned my lesson_  
_But right now I wanna be not okay_  
_I'm so tired, sitting here waiting_  
_If I hear one more "Just be patient"_  
_It's always gonna stay the same."_

\---

"Peter what's up? You've been a little...off lately." May asked him over breakfast that morning. Peter's eyes widened minutely, before he shrugged his shoulders, trying to be nonchalant. 

"Nothing, May. I'm good. I've just been busy with school." Peter said, looking down at the charred eggs she had made him that morning. May sent him a flat look, and raised an eyebrow at him. 

"I don't believe you. What's really going on?" she asked, a stern tone in her voice, which was rare. Peter let out a sigh, and decided he would just go with the truth. Maybe then he would finally feel better, which is all he wanted. 

"Um...I've just been a little worried lately." May nodded for him to continue. "Well...you know that I don't have that many friends, which is annoying. But it was always fine because I had Ned. But he's been acting weird lately, so I'm worried he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. And then what am I going to do?" He finished feeling the nerves make a knot in his stomach and a lump form in his throat. May let out a sigh. 

“Pete, we’ve talked about this. It’s just your anxiety playing tricks on you. Just be patient with Ned, I’m sure he’s just busy and soon enough you’ll be all back to normal. Okay?” May said, sending him a soft smile. 

P eter felt something inside him shut down at that statement. He knew it was just his anxiety, and no matter how many times May told him, that it didn’t change how real it felt. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and sent her a small smile. 

“I know May. Thanks. I gotta get to the tower. Don’t wanna be late for Mr. Stark.” May nodded and stood up to give him a brief hug before he left.

“Okay have a good day, baby. And remember, it will all be fine. Just wait and see.” She said with a kiss to his forehead. 

And Peter couldn’t help the bubbling of annoyance that made itself known inside him. He was so tired of people just telling him to be patient and to wait for things to get better. He wanted them to be better now, he was tired of feeling like this all of the time. And all of the positive pep talks people gave him wouldn’t change that. It never helped, it just made him feel more broken, like he should be able to shake it off and be positive, so there must be something wrong with him if he can’t do that right?

He just wanted someone that would validate his feelings. Let him scream and cry and get it all out, and tell him that it was okay that he felt that way. Maybe then he would feel better. 

Whenever he got like this there was a small piece inside him that felt like it was screaming at him to just let it all out. He wished there was someone who understood that sometimes he didn’t feel okay, and he didn’t want to. He wanted to wallow, to be sad, and to be validated in that, to be assured he was normal even when he felt this way. 

But everyone around him was just focused on keeping him positive so he wouldn’t dwell on his feelings, like he would break if he did. He knew he wouldn’t, he knew that if he dwelt too much it wasn’t good for him, but he also felt like bottling it up was worse. 

“Hey kid. We are here. I’ll be here around 4 to take you home, unless you are staying?” Happy said, pulling Peter out of his thoughts. 

“Oh um...I’ll ask May and Mr. Stark and let you know?” He said, his voice cracking with uncertainty. Happy sent him a brief concerned look, but it was gone as soon as it had appeared. 

“Sounds good kid. Say hi to Tony for me.” Happy said, before he got out and opened the back door for him.

Peter headed into the tower, with his head down. He didn’t look up until he reached Mr. Stark’s private elevator. He was too focused on bottling up his emotions from this morning, so that Mr. Stark wouldn’t ask about it. He didn’t want to hear someone else tell him to be patient. 

\- - -

_”Can't stop these feet from sinking_  
And it's starting to show on me  
You're staring while I'm blinking  
But just don't tell me what you see

_I'm so over all this bad luck_  
Hearing one more "Keep your head up"  
Is it ever gonna change?”

_\- - -_

Luckily Mr. Stark didn’t suspect a thing. At least Peter hopes he didn’t. At one point he caught the man staring at him with narrowed eyes from across the room, but the man didn’t say anything to him after. 

They just worked in silence, until Peter got a text from Ned.

“Hey, Mr. Stark?” Peter said quietly, breaking the silence.

“Hmm?” The older man grunted without looking away from the schematic in front of him.

“Ned wants to FaceTime...is it okay if I go up to my room for a bit?” Peter asked then, hating how childish his voice sounded. Tony finally looked up and met Peter’s gaze.

“Sure. Tell Ted I said hi.” He finally said after staring a Peter for a couple minutes.

Peter nodded quickly before shuffling to the elevator and riding up to Tony’s penthouse floor, where his room was located.

He settled on his bed, taking a deep breath before hitting the call button.

“Hey Peter!” Ned said when he answered. Peter tried to ignore the voice in the back of his head telling him Ned sounded different.

“Hey Ned what’s up?” Peter said, hoping his voice sounded cheery instead of anxious.

“Well May texted me earlier. She said you’ve been kind of down? I thought I’d check on you.” Ned said then, and Peter felt the sandwich he had eaten earlier turn to led in his stomach. He hated the pity he could hear in Ned’s voice.

“Uh yeah, nothings really going on. I’ve just been really anxious about everything lately. You know me.” Peter said with a shrug, wishing this conversation would end. Ned just shook his head with a gentle roll of his eyes.

“Yeah. I know you. Just keep your head up until it passes, yeah? And I’m not mad at you so don’t worry about that. You’ll be over it in no time.” Ned said with a smile. Peter gave him a strained smile back, nodding.

“Yeah. Yeah. I gotta go thought Ned, Mr. Stark told me not to take too long.” Peter said, waiting for Ned to agree before pressing the end button, letting out a shaky breath.

Of course May would tell Ned he was feeling anxious. And of course Ned would think he was jumping off the deep end, and felt like he needed a pep talk. Which he didn’t. He really didn’t.

All the pep talks he was getting lately, just made him feel worse. It felt like pressure. An endless pressure that wouldn’t leave. Like everyone he loved just wanted him to be better, to be positive. Like they wanted him to...not be him anymore.

And it sucked. Peter stood up quickly, heading to the kitchen, hoping some hot chocolate would make him feel better. He doubted it.

\- - -

_”Don't look at me like that_  
Just like you understand  
Don't try to pull me back“

\- - -

He was staring down at the counter, feeling numb, when he heard footsteps coming from the elevator. He looked up, thinking it was Tony, but becoming surprised when he found it was Morgan and Pepper.

“Petey!” Morgan squealed, dropping her backpack and running over to him. He caught her perfectly in his arms as she launched herself at him, painting a grin on his face. He felt a little calmer knowing Morgan wouldn’t be able to see through it.

“Hey Morguna. How was daycare?” He asked, settling the little girl on his hip.

“It wasn’t very fun. Nathan said he didn’t want to be my friend anymore. But Mama said not to worry about it, cause I can make plenty of friends later.” Morgan said, unaware of how much her words affected Peter. He glanced up a Pepper quickly, feeling his heartbeat pick up slightly.

“Yeah, there are plenty of friends to go around for you Morguna.” Peter said, giving Morgan’s side a squeeze, causing her to giggle.

“So one day I can have a bunch of friends like you do?” She asked then, and Peter’s breath got caught in his throat. He nodded tightly. He heard Pepper come closer, causing him to look up at her.

And what he saw there filled him with that same annoyance from earlier. He swallowed it down as best he could. But he couldn’t handle the pity in Pepper’s eyes. Like she knew how he was feeling. But she didn’t. Not really. She had heard him telling Tony things in the past, so she knew about his anxiety. But the look on her face right now, it seemed as though she knew exactly how he was feeling. But no one did, or maybe they would stop giving him these stupid inspirational speeches.

“Hey Morguna, why don’t you take Mama to the lab, and show her the robot we’ve been building huh?” He heard Tony’s voice coming from somewhere behind him. When did he get there?

He realized he had just been standing there holding Morgan, while staring at Pepper. Morgan wiggled in his arms, so he set her down.

“ Yeah! Come on Mama! Me and Daddy are building a little brother for DUM-E!” He watched as Morgan jumped up and down, before grabbing Pepper’s hand and practically dragging her to the elevators. Him and Tony stood in silence until the elevator was long gone. 

“Hey Pete, you okay bud?” Tony asked him quietly, as he moved to stand in front of him. 

Peter avoided his gaze and nodded stiffly, not wanting to hear the same thing for the millionth time. He didn’t want to be mad at Tony for trying to cheer him up.

“Okay. Follow me.” Tony said suddenly, wrapping his hand around Peter’s elbow before leading him to the elevators. Peter stayed silent, not trusting his voice, as he watched as the elevator took them to a floor that clearly belonged to one of the Avengers.

Tony led them into a locked room, placing his thumb on a scanner before the door opened for them. He pushed them into the room, and Peter looked around. There were objects strewn everywhere, and it looked like the walls were padded.

“ Why does this look like you have a mental hospital in your tower?” Peter finally asked, curiosity winning over the battle raging inside him. Tony let out a snort.

“It’s Bruce’s old Hulk-out room. He’d come in here to let Green Bean blow off a little steam.” Peter nodded, looking around some more before turning to his mentor.

“So why did you bring me here?”

\- - -

_”So let me just give up_  
So let me just let go  
If this isn't good for me  
Well I don't wanna know  
Let me just stop trying  
Let me just stop fighting  
I don't want your good advice  
Or reasons why I'm alright  
You don't know what it's like”

\- - -

“Because. I know you kid. You’ve got a lot of feelings building up in that little body of yours. So I brought you here so you could...Hulk-out so to speak.” Tony finally said, after a couple of moments of silence.

“What?” was all that Peter could manage to get out, he watched as Tony clenched his jaw a few times. He seemed to be thinking about what to say next. He finally let out a heavy sigh.

“Look Pete. I get it. I have anxiety too, and I can see in your eyes how anxious you’ve been lately. And sometimes you just gotta...let it consume you so to speak.” Tony said. Peter gaped at him.

“I thought I was supposed to keep my head up and hope that it gets better?” Peter scoffed, unable to hide the bitterness in his tone. Tony raised a dry eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, cause that’s clearly helping. Pepper used to nag me about that all the time. I usually just ended up letting it fester until it exploded at the wrong time. Said a lot of things I regretted. So I know that listening to people’s positive mumbo jumbo can make it worse.” Peter felt something inside him start to uncoil.

“What are you saying?” He finally asked, voice no louder than a whisper.

“I’m saying, it’s okay to not be okay. Just let it out.” Tony said simply, sitting down on one of the chairs in the corner.

At those words Peter felt something in him break. And he let it all out. He cried and screamed and maybe he even threw some things.

But afterwards he felt so much better. Not just because he let out his feelings, but because he finally found someone who understood. Who let him not be okay. Who didn’t fill his mind with false platitudes. Who knew that sometimes life sucked and you just wanted to let it for a minute.

For the first time he felt understood. And that was the best gift he could have received that day.

“Feel better squirt?” Tony asked as they entered the elevator. Peter nodded gratefully.

“Good. Let’s go help Pep put my monster of a child to sleep.” Peter smiles, feeling more content than he had in a while.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! Also check out my other stories!


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